


Almost

by ghostlygalaxies



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining, riddlergordon, so blame this fic on that, that car scene killed me & i started thinking about them again, two sad boys, whelp this is pretty sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlygalaxies/pseuds/ghostlygalaxies
Summary: The list of almosts goes on and on, as two men mourn what was lost but could have been.





	Almost

     Their friendship was never perfect.

 

    Rarely was anything truly perfect in a city like Gotham, or between two people such as themselves. But it was enough.

 

     Ed found someone who didn’t think he was weird - at least, he never said so - and Jim found a friend he could confide in and have intellectual conversations with.

 

     It was more than just that, and Jim Gordon and Edward Nygma both understood that, deep down. It was more than a friendship. More than occasional conversations between colleagues. It was small but genuine smiles. It was glances that the other never noticed. It was feeling understood. It was secretly wanting more.

 

     Neither of them would admit it now, but once riddles became a common interest between the two, they’d both try and find more ridiculous and difficult ones for the other to try and solve. It became a game, and they both had fun.

 

     The riddles or brain teasers would be given to the other through notes, items - like the cupcake Ed gave to Kristen - or by word of mouth. One night at the station, Harvey found Jim passed out on top of a book of riddles and thought he must be losing his mind.

 

     “Not you, too,” he practically howled, “Jim, wake up. I think you’ve been spending too much time with your weird little _boyfriend_ , Nygma... It’s not good for y—”

 

     With a sleepy but stern voice, Jim had replied, “Lay off of him, will ya? He really is a good guy.” Then, Jim added, “And I happen to like riddles too, Harv! You just don’t understand ’em.“

 

     (In his tired state, Jim hadn’t corrected the ‘boyfriend’ part. Harvey noticed but didn’t comment on it.)

 

     Though, sure, Jim would admit that Ed had his quirks and oddities, they didn’t really bother him that much. His morbidity was only slightly alarming. Jim’s always had some darkness to him, too - not that he realized how much Edward possessed. Jim liked being with Ed, liked his weird sort of sarcasm and his mannerisms and his subtle ways of showing he cared.

 

     He saw it. How much Ed did care, about him and about other things and people. Though he didn’t try and show it, nor did he seem to know how, Edward had empathy. Ed Nygma was brimming with feelings, he just didn’t know how to express them. (Jim always wanted to tell the others at the station that they were wrong, and he knew they were and could prove it, but never did.)

 

     Ed admired Jim. Always had. He saw Jim as everything he couldn’t be - truly _good_. Not only was James Gordon intelligent, but he was compassionate and brave. The makings of a hero.

 

     But Edward noticed Jim’s flaws. He couldn’t help it, really, it was just the way his mind worked. And slowly but surely, Jim became less of a Hero and more of a Person. Still a good man, but definitely not a perfect one.

 

     Their odd friendship felt like more. Felt like familiarity. Felt like this warm fuzzy feeling that neither of them quite understood. It felt right. Like they were meant to know each other. Like they were meant to be more than this, more than quiet longing and confusing feelings and almosts.

 

     They were almost more.

 

     But Jim didn’t see what was happening to Edward and Ed tumbled father down into his own head and it was all destroyed. The gentle smiles, fond looks, shared laughs, and riddle competitions were all a thing of the past.

 

     Ed betrayed him and Ed had been his friend.

 

     Jim knew too much and Ed wished he could have been Jim’s friend, but feelings always get in the way so it’s better not to feel them at all.

 

     Things were much different now. Though they were on opposite sides, there was an underlying concern for the other, feelings that wouldn’t completely go away.

 

     Their friendship was never perfect. It was almost more. It was almost still existing all together. The list of almosts goes on and on, as two men mourn what was lost but could have been.

 

     “I was your friend.”

 

     The words echo in Edward’s mind, over and over and over.

 

 _Almost_ , he thinks to himself.


End file.
